If you’re grieving, you might not even call it that. You might just feel off, stuck, or emotionally overwhelmed. Maybe you’re exhausted all the time. Maybe nothing feels quite real. Maybe you’re asking yourself, what’s wrong with me? This article explores what grief really is, how long it can last, and when it might be time to seek help - especially if you’re unsure whether what you’re feeling is “normal.”
Grief is what we feel when we lose someone or something important to us. That loss could be the death of a loved one, but it could also be a miscarriage, the end of a relationship, a major life change, or even the future you imagined for yourself. It might be sudden, like a shock to the system, or slow and quiet, unfolding over time. At its heart, grief is a natural response to loss - a sign of how much something mattered.
The connection between loss and grief isn’t always straightforward. Some people feel a deep, overwhelming sadness. Others feel nothing at all. For some, grief shows up in unexpected ways, like exhaustion, irritability, forgetfulness, or a general sense of being “off.” You might cry easily, or not at all. You might find yourself pulling away from others, or clinging more tightly. And you might not even realise you’re grieving, especially if your loss doesn’t “look” like what others think of as grief.
Grief is personal. It’s unpredictable. It doesn’t follow a neat timeline, and it certainly doesn’t follow rules.
There’s no one way to grieve. You might cry often, or not at all. You might feel deep sorrow, or find yourself strangely calm. You might feel relief, guilt, confusion, numbness, or some combination that changes by the hour. Grief can arrive all at once, or it can creep in slowly, taking you by surprise when you least expect it. You might have moments of peace followed by waves of pain that feel like they’ve come out of nowhere.
So what is the grieving process?
It’s the slow, often nonlinear journey of adjusting to life after a loss. It’s not a single moment or a set of predictable emotions - it’s the unfolding of change across your inner world. That process might include a wide range of physical and emotional symptoms, like:
Sometimes grief feels like a constant presence. Other times it disappears for a while, only to return with full force on a birthday, in a conversation, or while listening to a song you didn’t know would hit you so hard.
Which brings us to the question of time: how long does grief last?
The truth is, it varies. Some people begin to feel a little lighter within a few months. Others carry their grief for years, even decades - not because they’re stuck, but because the loss changed them in a lasting way. Many people find that grief comes in waves: some predictable, others unexpected. It might soften over time, but it doesn’t vanish. And the goal isn’t to “get over it” - it’s to learn how to live with it, in a way that honours what you’ve lost and makes space for what still matters.
“Grief isn’t linear, and it isn’t something you ‘get over.’ But there is support for carrying it.”
You might have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages were originally developed to describe how people cope with terminal illness, but over time, they’ve been widely applied to the grieving process more broadly.
They can be helpful for naming what you’re feeling. Sometimes, having a framework like this can offer comfort, a way to make sense of something that otherwise feels chaotic or overwhelming. It’s human to want shape and structure when we’re faced with pain that doesn’t make sense. The five stages give us language. They give us a map, of sorts.
But they’re not a step-by-step guide. You might feel these stages out of order, repeat them, or skip some entirely. You might not feel any of them. Or you might feel something else altogether, likeenvy, numbness, peace, or confusion.
Grief isn’t linear. The five stages are just one way to describe the emotional territory of loss, not a rulebook for how you’re supposed to feel. And if your experience doesn’t match the model, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means your grief, like you, is unique.
Grief isn’t always a clear “before and after.” It doesn’t always begin with a death, or end with a funeral. Sometimes, we grieve while the loss is still unfolding - quietly, invisibly, long before anything official has happened.
You might be watching someone you love slowly slip away through illness. You’re still spending time together, still holding on, but inside, you’re already grieving the parts that are changing, or the future you know won’t arrive. That kind of grief is very real, even if no one talks about it. Therapists sometimes call it anticipatory grief.
Or maybe you’re grieving someone who’s still here physically but no longer emotionally present. Maybe they’re caught in addiction. Maybe dementia is gradually taking them away. Maybe a deep conflict or estrangement has built a silence between you. You find yourself missing someone who hasn’t technically gone. This kind of grief is just as real, even though it often goes unacknowledged. It’s sometimes referred to as ambiguous grief.
These kinds of losses can be particularly hard to name, let alone share. You might feel like you don’t have the “right” to grieve, or that people won’t understand. But grief isn’t something that only belongs to certain situations. If you’re feeling the ache of absence, even if no one else sees it, that grief deserves support too.
Grief can mimic depression, anxiety, burnout, or feel like something entirely different. If you’re asking yourself what’s wrong with me?, these truths may help you make sense of your experience.
You might feel angry, irritable, spaced out, or nothing at all. These are still valid grief responses. Just because it doesn’t look like how it’s shown in films or books doesn’t mean it’s not real.
Grief affects your nervous system. Feeling disconnected or overwhelmed isn’t a sign of weakness - it’s a human response to loss. You might feel foggy at work or struggle to be present with loved ones, and that’s okay.
Grief can disrupt your sleep, mood, memory, and focus. You might feel unlike yourself for weeks or months. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re adjusting to a new emotional reality.
You might feel exhausted. You might forget things, have a short fuse, or feel tension in your chest. These physical symptoms are a common part of the grieving process.
You might still be showing up (in meetings, at school runs, around the dinner table) while feeling hollow inside. Many people grieve while holding together daily life. That doesn’t make your grief any less real. It just means support is even more essential.
You don’t have to wait for a breaking point. Therapy can help at any stage, even if you’re just feeling a little lost, low, or unsure what’s going on inside.
Grief therapy (also known as grief counselling) is a space to talk through your loss and begin to make sense of it. You don’t have to show up with answers. You don’t need a specific type of loss. You just need to feel like you’d benefit from support.
Therapists trained in grief work can help you:
You don’t need to be in crisis to start. You just need a sense that your grief deserves time and space - because it does.
Want to know what happens in a session? Here’s a guide to how grief counselling works.
There’s no set amount of time you have to wait before seeking support. You might start therapy days after a bereavement, when everything still feels raw. Or you might not feel ready until months or years later, when something unexpected brings it all back. Sometimes it takes time to realise that what you’re feeling is grief. And sometimes the weight of it doesn’t fully land until long after the initial shock has passed.
And not every grief is caused by death. You might be grieving a breakup, the loss of a pregnancy, the end of a friendship, or a version of your life that no longer feels possible. If something important has changed, and you feel the absence of it in your days - that counts too.
Whether you’re weeks in or years on, therapy is there to meet you. If you’ve been wondering how long after bereavement before counselling, know this: there’s no fixed window. If it feels like the right time for you to talk, to process, or just to have space held - then it is.
There’s no tidy way to grieve. No script, no finish line, no gold star for doing it quietly. Whether your grief is loud or invisible, fresh or decades old, it matters. And if you’re struggling to carry it, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Therapy doesn’t erase the pain, but it can make it feel less isolating. More bearable. It’s a space to find language, steadiness, and maybe even meaning — one step at a time.
If you’re thinking about speaking to someone, a qualified grief therapist can answer any questions you might have.
Grief therapy offers space, support, and ways to cope -whenever you’re ready to start healing
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