How to cope with anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief is the heartache that comes before a loss, and it can be just as powerful as grief after death. Here’s how to understand it, and what can help.
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Grief doesn’t always wait for loss. Sometimes, it begins while your loved one is still her

You might be caring for someone who’s seriously ill. You might be slowly losing a partner to dementia. You might be watching the future you imagined - for yourself or someone you love - slip away. That quiet ache? That disorienting mix of fear, sadness, and helplessness? That’s anticipatory grief.

This article explores what anticipatory grief is, why it happens, how it affects your body and mind, and, most importantly, how to cope with anticipatory grief in a way that honours your emotions and supports your wellbeing.

What is anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief is a form of grief that begins before an actual loss. It often arises when someone close to you is living with a terminal illness, cognitive decline, or another condition that changes who they are or how they relate to you. But it can also show up in less obvious situations:

  • When a major transition is looming, like a divorce or relocation

  • When you’re preparing to lose a role or identity, such as becoming an empty nester

  • When you’re grieving the life you thought you’d have

Unlike traditional grief, which follows a loss, anticipatory grief is future-oriented: it’s mourning what’s coming. But the emotional impact can be just as intense. You may feel sadness, guilt, anger, anxiety, even relief, all while trying to remain ‘strong’ or ‘present’ for the person at the centre of it. That internal tension can feel overwhelming. These emotions mirror the wider landscape of grief, and you can read more in What Is Grief?

Signs and symptoms of anticipatory grief

Because anticipatory grief happens before a loss, it can be confusing to recognise. You might feel like you “shouldn’t” be grieving yet, but your body and mind are already reacting.

Common signs include:

  • Emotional swings: sadness, guilt, irritability, or helplessness

  • Cognitive impacts: difficulty concentrating, intrusive thoughts, decision fatigue

  • Physical symptoms: headaches, fatigue, digestive issues, body tension

  • Hypervigilance: obsessing over time left, watching for signs of decline

  • Isolation: withdrawing from others or feeling that no one understands

  • Guilt: for wishing the waiting was over, or for feeling anything other than love

This experience may also bring up ambiguous grief, especially in cases of dementia or addiction, where someone is physically present but psychologically or emotionally absent. This can overlap with the mental and emotional fog described in this guide on the effects of grief.

“Grief doesn’t wait for the funeral. It can begin the moment you realise what’s coming, and you deserve support from that moment on.”

How to cope with anticipatory grief

Coping with anticipatory grief means making room for your emotions - and protecting your mental health while you’re living through an ongoing loss.

Here are some ways to support yourself:

  • Name what you’re feeling. Giving it language - “I’m grieving” - helps reduce confusion and shame.

  • Stay connected. You may want to retreat, but connection can buffer against despair.

  • Allow complex emotions. Guilt, relief, anger, numbness, all of these are normal. They don’t make you a bad person.

  • Take breaks from caregiving or worry. You’re allowed rest, joy, and moments of peace.

  • Talk to someone. Therapy can offer space to express your feelings, reduce guilt, and build resilience.

You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s speaking with friends, joining a support group,or reaching out to a therapist, connection is key.

6 things to remember if you’re living with anticipatory grief

1. You’re not “overreacting”

Grief before loss is real. Just because others don’t see it doesn’t make it any less valid.

2. Your body is carrying the weight

Fatigue, forgetfulness, or restlessness aren’t failures. They’re stress responses. Be gentle with yourself.

3. It’s okay to feel angry, relieved, or numb

There’s no “right” way to feel. Mixed emotions are common and valid.

4. You might need support before the loss

Therapy or counselling isn’t just for after. It can help you cope now.

5. Talking helps, even if nothing can be “fixed”

Naming your fears or sadness can bring clarity and connection, even if the situation stays hard.

6. You still get to experience joy

You don’t have to put your life on hold. Grief and joy can co-exist.

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You’re doing the best you can - and that matters

When you’re living with anticipatory grief, every day can feel like a balancing act between showing up and falling apart. You might be caring for someone else, holding things together at work, or trying to maintain a sense of normalcy, all while quietly bracing for what’s ahead.

There’s no perfect way to do this. No handbook for grieving what hasn’t happened yet. The very fact that you’re navigating this emotional terrain, often silently, speaks to your strength, your love, and your humanity.

It’s okay to feel like you’re not doing enough. It’s okay to wish things were different. And it’s okay to need help. None of this makes you weak. It makes you someone who’s carrying something incredibly hard - and still trying. That’s enough.

You don’t have to carry it all alone

Anticipatory grief is a quiet, often unseen form of suffering. You’re grieving not just what is, but what’s coming, and that’s an incredibly heavy thing to hold.

You might be exhausted, overwhelmed, or emotionally raw. But you’re not weak. You’re not broken. You’re feeling deeply, and that’s what love does when it meets loss.

Therapy offers a space to unpack these feelings, without judgement or pressure. You don’t need to have the right words. You don’t need to wait for the worst to happen. You just need space to breathe, feel, and be supported.

If you’re wondering whether now is the time, maybe that’s your answer. Speaking with a therapist who specialises in grief can help you feel less alone in the process.

Looking for support before the loss?

Grief therapy can help you make sense of difficult emotions, even before a loss occurs.

Speak to a Therapist

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