How to support a bereaved family member

It’s hard to know what to say or do when someone you love is grieving. This guide explores grounded, compassionate ways to support a bereaved family member, without pressure or platitudes.
Grief and Loss
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You don’t have to fix their grief. Just being there can mean more than you know.

When someone close to you is grieving, you might feel helpless. You may not know what to say, how to comfort them, or whether you should give space or step in. Everyone grieves differently, and when it’s a family member, the emotions can feel especially raw, personal, and confusing. You may be grieving too. Or you might be taking on a support role when you don’t feel fully steady yourself.

This article offers practical guidance on how to support a bereaved family member with compassion, clarity, and care. Whether you’re early in the process or months into ongoing grief, you’ll find tips for showing up, setting boundaries, and recognising when extra support might be needed.

Why supporting a bereaved family member can feel so hard

Grief affects everyone differently, even within the same family. One person might cry openly, another might shut down. One might want to talk about the loss, while another avoids the topic completely. That mismatch can make it hard to know how to support each other.

You may also be grieving yourself, which complicates things further. Supporting someone else while managing your own emotions can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re acting as the “strong one.” There may be unspoken expectations, tension, or even past family dynamics that rise to the surface. Resources on coping with grief and loss can help you understand why this feels so challenging,  and why that’s completely normal.

You don’t need to be perfect. But you do need to be present - and to recognise that support doesn’t mean taking away their grief. It means acknowledging it, holding space for it, and offering steady care without trying to fix something that isn’t “fixable.”

What helps - and what doesn’t - when someone you love is grieving

People often struggle to find the right words. But support is more about how you show up than what you say. Small acts, like sending a text, showing up with food, or quietly sitting beside them, communicate love without pressure. Still, when words feel hard to find, these small, simple phrases can still let someone know they’re not alone:

  • “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here with you.”

  • “You don’t have to talk — I’ll just sit with you.”

  • “Would it help if I took care of dinner tonight?”
    ‍

Try to avoid saying things like:

  • “They’re in a better place.”

  • “At least they lived a long life.”

  • “Everything happens for a reason.”

These phrases may come from a well-meaning place, but they can land as dismissive or invalidating. If you’re unsure, this guide on what to say to someone who is grieving offers simple, supportive alternatives.

“You don’t need the perfect words - just the courage to stay present.”

Looking after yourself while supporting someone else

When you’re supporting someone in their grief, it’s important to take care of yourself too. Being around someone in pain can stir up your own past griefs, your own emotions, your own fear of loss. That’s why it’s so important to care for yourself as you care for someone else.

Supporting a bereaved family member doesn’t mean being available 24/7 or putting your needs last. It means showing up with empathy and honesty about your own limits. Rest when you need to. Say no when you need to. Let others help, too. If you’re unsure where to start, these ideas for managing grief and loss can help you pace your energy

If you’re suppressing your own grief, you risk burnout or emotional shutdown. Grieving alongside a loved one requires emotional bandwidth, and that means tending to your own reserves. Self-care while supporting someone who is grieving is important.

6 Meaningful Ways to Support a Bereaved Family Member

Grief can be isolating, confusing, and deeply personal. Here are six ways to offer support that’s grounded, respectful, and genuinely helpful:

1. Let presence speak louder than words

Even if you’re not sure what to say, showing up - physically or emotionally - tells them they’re not alone.

2. Help with something specific

Avoid “let me know if you need anything.” Instead, offer clear, tangible support:

  • “Can I cook for you tomorrow?”
  • “Want me to pick up the kids this week?”

3. Be okay with silence

Sometimes the most supportive thing is to sit quietly, without filling the space. Let them lead the pace of conversation.

4. Respect their rhythm

Grief isn’t linear. Some days they’ll want company. Some days they won’t. Tune in, ask gently, and don’t take their moods personally.

5. Don’t rush their grief

Avoid setting expectations, like “you should be feeling better by now”, and instead remind them that it’s okay to feel however they feel.

6. Suggest counselling, gently

If they seem overwhelmed, suggest therapy as a form of support. You could say: “I read about grief counselling and thought of you. Or, if it would help, I can share details of bereavement counselling services.”

When you’re grieving too: dual grief in families

Sometimes, grief is collective. You may have lost the same person - a parent, a sibling, a partner -  and each of you is grieving in your own way. This can create tension, misunderstanding, or feelings of emotional disconnection.

Try to remember: there’s no single “correct” way to grieve. Your way is not wrong, and neither is theirs. Share when you can. Step back when you need to. And consider accessing professional support if it’s straining relationships. This overview on coping with grief in families offers practical ways to communicate and share the load.

Support is about simply being with someone in their grief

When someone in your family is grieving, you might wish you could take the pain away. But grief isn’t something that can be solved. It can only be carried, and your presence can help them carry it.

Even if you feel awkward or uncertain, showing up with empathy and respect means everything. Listen more than you speak. Offer help without pushing. If you’re still unsure whether what they’re feeling ‘counts’ as grief, this explainer on ‘what is grief?’ can help. And if it feels like they need more support than you can give, you can speak to a bereavement counsellor.

Supporting someone through grief?

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